A FIGHT STORY

by Hank Trisler

I’m a lousy patient. The doctors say it; the nurses say it; so it must be true. If there’s anything I hate worse than being in the hospital, it’s trying to get out of the hospital. They lie to you about when you will be released. 

When I had a little visit a couple of months ago, they told me I’d be sprung when the doctor released me, about noon. They kept having unforeseen problems and bureaucratic foul ups until I found myself fuming on the edge of the bed at four o’clock. The nurse told me it would be another half hour, while she finished up the discharge documents. 

A small something snapped in my primitive brain. I told her that my doctor had released me and that I was ready to go right this minute.

She said I couldn’t leave, as I still had an IV stuck in my arm.

I said she wouldn’t believe how easily that one could be solved and yanked the IV out, thereby spraying blood on the wall until she could fumble up a band aid. I fled the hospital, trailing people shouting what I could and could not do, and waving papers.

Apparently this is not the way most patients leave the hospital, as many of the staff remembered me on my visit last week, even some people I had not yet met.

After a stay of a couple of days, it came time to depart and once again they told me noon. I determined to stay calm and decided what they really meant was four o’clock and mentally prepared myself accordingly.

At four o’clock I was fully dressed, IV still in my arm, but otherwise ready to launch. My excellent nurse, Vince, had been scurrying around preparatory to my departure and told me all was ready as soon as the doctor approved the release.

I was fully prepared to kill Vince when he appeared with a fight story.“You won’t believe what I’ve just gone through for you,” Vince gasped. “Your doctor is in surgery in the basement and I had to go down three floors to get him to sign your release. I took the stairs both ways to save time.” I had this vision of poor, harried Vince scrambling up a stone staircase pursued by fire-breathing reptiles.

“When I got to the operating room, they wouldn’t let me in, as it was a sterile field,” Vince went on, “so I sent him a fax.”

“You can do that?” I asked, totally enthralled. 

“Yeah, they have fax machines on both sides of the OR door, just for situations like this. Well, anyway, he had a nurse fax back that he would be out in ten minutes and would sign the release then. Hank, I have to tell you that was the longest ten minutes of my life, as I know how important it is for you to get out of here as soon as humanly possible. I’ll get all of this paperwork processed and have you out of here in 30 minutes. I’m just so glad you waited for me.” 

What’s wrong with this picture? He’s keeping me another half hour than the last time when I threw a temper fit, but now I’m all smiles. What’s the difference?

Vince had a good FIGHT STORY. Everybody loves a story and a good story, well-told will be one of your greatest assets in selling.

Vince didn’t tell me about rules. He didn’t tell me what I had to do, he simply told me what he had done for me, and he told it in an interesting manner. I could visualize him dashing down the concrete stairs with my discharge papers clutched in his sweating fist. I could see the look on the surgeon’s face as Vince interrupted his surgery with a fax so he could get my discharge approved. 

Vince had become my hero and I couldn’t be mad at my hero. I meekly submitted to his piles of paperwork and stumbled out at a quarter to five.

If you’re selling cars, tell the customer how terrified you are of your sales manager and how hard you’re going to work to get them the best possible deal. No matter how much you’re abused, you will continue to fight for them. Tell your sales manager how tough this customer is and how hard you’ve fought to keep profit in the deal. Well, of course you sell the house. The best salescritters seem to spend nearly as much time and effort selling management as they do the customers.

Selling real estate? Have a good fight story to tell buyers and another to tell sellers. I’m not suggesting that you prevaricate, but rather that you have templates to help you create real fight stories for every occasion.

Spend some time and thought on your fight stories and you’ll not only sell more, but have happier customers in the bargain. 

I’d appreciate it if you’d share your best fight story here.