So I missed a shot yesterday morning. It happens in tennis. My partner said, "If you'd move your big, flat feet, your big fat ass might follow them and get you to the ball."
That statement was none the more welcome for being true. I've never learned to gracefully accept criticism and find a lot of people share my view on this. Criticism hurts.
"Constructive Criticism" is an oxymoron. Criticism, by its very nature is destructive. You criticize to destroy the behavior you find offensive.
As managers, salespeople, parents and spouses, we need to correct other people to help them bring their behavior in line with our perceptions of acceptability. The tricky part is doing this without pissing them off so badly they visit physical damage on us. Try this three-step process for delivering criticism and see how it works for you.
START. This is what I'd like to have you do that you are not doing now.
"I'd like to see you meet ten new-to-you people every day."
"I'd like to have you pick up your bedroom every day, after school, before going out to play."
"Please consider moving your feet in the general direction of the ball."
"I'd like to see you meet ten new-to-you people every day."
"I'd like to have you pick up your bedroom every day, after school, before going out to play."
"Please consider moving your feet in the general direction of the ball."
STOP. This is what you are doing now that I'd like to see you stop doing.
"You're production might improve if you stop going to the movies every afternoon with a pint."
"Please stop throwing your clothes on the floor, rather than throwing them in the closet."
"Stop yelling 'YOURS' every time the ball doesn't come directly at you."
"You're production might improve if you stop going to the movies every afternoon with a pint."
"Please stop throwing your clothes on the floor, rather than throwing them in the closet."
"Stop yelling 'YOURS' every time the ball doesn't come directly at you."
CONTINUE. Probably the most important part of the whole sequence. Leave the other party with a feeling of approval and let them know you like them.
"I want to be sure you keep on being a valued member of our team. We need your positive attitude and sense of humor."
"The dedication to your homework is wonderful. Keep on keeping on keeping your grades up." (Kids like this kind of talk.)
"Be sure to keep bringing balls to the game. That's the only reason we let you play."
"I want to be sure you keep on being a valued member of our team. We need your positive attitude and sense of humor."
"The dedication to your homework is wonderful. Keep on keeping on keeping your grades up." (Kids like this kind of talk.)
"Be sure to keep bringing balls to the game. That's the only reason we let you play."
If you employ the "Start, Stop, Continue" method of delivering criticism, you may well get away with it, but it's still tricky, at best. Most people never learn to do it well. Good luck.
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