<H1 BIG>WITH MY COMPLIMENTS</H1>

I just got an interesting instant message on Twitter.

"You're an amazing individual with unlimited possibilities. Thank U for being you. Visit my web site blah, blah, blah."

These are lovely attributes and I'm doubtless worthy of them, but how in the blue-eyed world would this person know? It was a damned form letter. This guy didn't know me from a bale of hay. Now I ask you, of how much value to either of us is a compliment like this? Affects me about as much as pouring water on a duck. As far as the guy who delivered the "compliment," he actually lost ground. If I were to meet him today, I'd doubt every thing he said, as he'd branded himself a bull shitake (Thanks, Guy Kawasaki) artist in my book.

"Are you saying don't compliment people?" you might well ask. Not at all. I love compliments, both given and received. I'd much rather have an insincere compliment than a sincere insult, but a really good, sincere compliment can make my day and make me quite fond of the giver.Some thoughts on compliments:

• Be lavish with them, but only to those people who deserve them. I don't mean to be sparing with them, but to take a little more time and compliment a person on something real and specific. Sometimes you have to dig a little to find it, but you almost always can.
  

• Don't be afraid to compliment those close to you. Our families and friends are often the most neglected in the area of compliments. After all, they already know we think they're great, don't they? The answer is "no." You need to renew vows of admiration and affection OFTEN. Do you love me, or love me not? You told me once, but I forgot.
  

• Compliment specific attributes or actions. "You're a good guy," is nice, but not as nice as hearing specifically what it is that qualifies you as a good guy. "That was a hilarious and informational speech you gave." "Your contest ideas have really helped pump up our sales." "The professional way you dress reflects positively on the whole team." "The article on Animal Husbandry in your latest newsletter was fascinating." You get the idea. The more specific and personal the compliment, the more valued it will be by the recipient.

• Don't give compliments when they are undeserved. The more you "embellish" your remarks to people, the more difficult it is to be intimate and sincere. Again, think hard enough and you can come up with a sincere compliment for nearly everyone. Okay, Sirhan Sirhan might prove a challenge, but don't stop trying.

Please give me your views on compliments and how you can use them to benefit others and yourself.