PROVE IT!

By Hank Trisler

Back when the earth was still cooling and the great beasts roamed, I owned a company called Raintree Realtors, in San Jose. Our people performed well above the average in our area and I was justifiably proud of them.

During a listing presentation one evening, I made a statement that I had made on many prior occasions. I said, "The average listing on the San Jose Real Estate Board takes some 68 days to sell, while my company’s average listing sells in less than 40 days." This was powerhouse selling and sure to impress my prospective client.

The homeowner responded with, "Those are interesting numbers. How did you come up with them?"

I was thereby presented with a whole new set of problems. Those were good numbers, I was sure. I had used them often with no problems. I think I even calculated them out once, but I did not have them in writing. I found myself saying, "Err, Ahh, well now those figures are well known, errr, ahhh."

My prospect, a vice president of sales for a large semiconductor company, was not particularly impressed with my veracity. Oh, I got the listing, but I had to dance like Fred Astaire to do so, and would probably have been better off had he listed with someone else. My client now had me branded as a BSer and used this information to make me suffer each time we talked. He made me prove everything I said for the balance of our relationship. No matter how I tried, I could never re-establish a trust relationship with this man.

I decided then and there to never again say anything I couldn’t prove. I’d love to tell you I’ve been successful in that effort, but it’s just too hard. I have, however, found ways to prove more statements that I had ever believed possible.

A Proof Source Book is a wonderful tool to add credibility when it is needed most. Make a list of those statements you are inclined to say in the course of a sales presentation, then think of a way to offer proof on each statement. Get your proof in writing and put it in your Proof Source Book. The next time you’re challenged, you’ll be able to prove you are indeed a teller of truth.

In the example I offered earlier, I got a printout of a report from our local real estate board showing the average number of days from submission to sale. I then ran the numbers for our company and put a letter in the file verifying the number of days our average listing took to sell.

"You mean you wrote the letter yourself? What kind of proof is that?" you might well ask.

"Good enough," I answer. Clearly, get the best proof you can and verify it by a neutral third party if at all possible. If it isn’t possible, however, write it yourself, or have someone you know write it. As long as it’s true, you can’t be proven wrong and people believe the printed word more readily than the spoken word. 

It is not enough to tell the truth. We must tell the truth in a manner that will be believed, which is credibility. A Proof Source Book is a great aid to credibility.

"Wait just a darned minute," you might continue, "I've heard you blathering on about facts don’t matter. Now you want me to compile a whole book full of facts to prove everything I say. ‘Splain this inconsistency."

There is no inconsistency. We do not offer facts to actually prove product/service benefits, but to prove that we are telling the truth. Facts still don’t matter. What matters is the emotional response that offering proof engenders. If the customer feels we can prove what we say, he is more likely to believe us. It’s still an emotional reaction.

Never prove what the customer already believes. I have so often seen this in the real estate bidness. The client says, "What are homes in this area selling for?" 

The Realtor replies, "About $800,000." 

The client says, "That’s what I thought." 

Then the Realtor whips out a Competitive Market Analysis (a form of proof) and proceeds to bore the socks off the client proving that which he already believed.

If the customer believes what you say, don’t waste time proving it, just go on to something else. Offering proof when you are already believed not only wastes time, it actually undermines your credibility.

Weasel Words. There will still always remain things that you believe to be true, but simply cannot be proven. In those instances, cultivate the use of "weasel words," so called because they suck all the meaning out of the words around them like a weasel sucks the yolk out of an egg. Phrases like "could be," "should be," "might be," "about," "around," "approximately," "if I could would you?" "If I would could you?" and "If the good Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise," keep you safe from locking yourself in. An old boss of mine told me "If you don’t lock, you can’t lie," and that has always served me well. Liars have short careers in the selling profession. Be prepared to prove whatever you say and if you can’t prove it, don’t let yourself get locked into saying it.

IS MANIPULATION NECESSARY?

by Hank Trisler

At a recent sales seminar, an attendee innocently asked, "Is manipulation necessary in selling?"

I was eager to respond with my standard answer to such questions: "The principle difference between seduction and rape is salesmanship."

While true, I sensed that this was not the sort of information this serious sales scholar was seeking. It further occurred to me that I wasn't even really crystal-clear about the meaning of "manipulate."  I cleverly quick-drew my iPhone and called up the Dictionary app. The following definition jumped out at us.

ma·nip·u·late

[muh-nip-yuh-leyt]-verb (used with object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing.

 

1. to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.

 

2. to handle, manage, or use, especially with skill, in some process of treatment or performance: to manipulate a large tractor.

 

3. to adapt or change (accounts, figures, etc.) to suit one's purpose or advantage.

 

4. Medicine/Medical . to examine or treat by skillful use of the hands, as in palpation, reduction of dislocations, or changing the position of a fetus.

Acting precisely as I'd expect a young, inquisitive student to act, he jumped all over the words, "especially in an unfair manner," like a Duck on a June-bug. He said, "Just as I had suspected. Manipulation is why salespeople have such a bad reputation."

WRONG, young Moose Breath, a bad reputation is earned by bad salespeople manipulating badly. Manipulation, when properly performed is complete undetectable. People only get mad about being manipulated when the manipulator screwed up.

Some people need help in making a good decision that is in their best interests. Some people simply don't know what's good for them. These people, and many others, need to be manipulated to enjoy a better life and that's just what good salespeople do.

A fellow named Herbert J. Taylor was the President of the Chicago Rotary Club in 1932 when he penned the guiding principles of Rotary International. They have come to be known as "The Four-Way Test." Before saying or doing anything involving other people, as yourself these four questions:

Is it the TRUTH?

Is it  FAIR to all concerned?

Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIP?

Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

If you can honestly ask and answer these question of yourself, I think the question of manipulation is completely irrelevant. You can manipulate hell out of me, just keep me happy. That's what being a salesperson is all about. 

IS THE COLD CALL DEAD?

By Hank Trisler

There's an interesting conversation going on at Sales Gravy about whether or not cold calling is a waste of time. I joined in, but got so wrapped around my own axle that I feared taking up too much space there. I do not feel so constrained here.

"Cold Calling," for purposes of our discussion is calling someone to whom you have never before spoken and determining whether they might be a prospect for whatever it is you are selling.

There have been volumes written about B2B (Business to Business) and B2C (Business to Consumer) marketing, Sales 2.0 and Push Marketing. The commonly accepted strategy is that you need to get a web site, a blog and then become involved in Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook. You ask questions, answer questions, become an acknowledged expert and people will beat down your door, waving money at you. 

This has NOT been my experience. 

I've found that when people aren't coming in my door, I have to find a way to get in their door. Cold calling is one of those ways. There are two basic reasons you might want to make cold calls.

1. You might make some money. Someone in your town today found out he got a promotion. He's in the market today for a new car he couldn't afford yesterday. Someone in your town today filed for divorce. There is a house coming on the market that might just list with you. Across town there is a woman who just found out she is great with child. She's a buyer for a home she didn't want yesterday. 

The human condition is in a constant state of flux. Only by consistently calling people you don't know, can you possibly hope to reach these people before they stumble in your door, or that of you competitor.

According to the records I've kept over the years, you'll actually get appointments with somewhere between 5% and 7% of the people you actually contact. You might say, "That's a pitiful little number." And I would respond, "Yes, but halitosis is better than no breath at all." If you have another, higher value use of your time, by all means do it. Cold popping can be used to fill up those little cracks of time between appointments that you're currently wasting.

Don't try to make too many. I've heard sales trainers talking about making 50 calls a day until you die. I'd only have about two days to live. That's just too damn many. Let's you and I shoot for 10. If we made 10 more calls than we currently make, that would be about 50 a week, or 200 a month. Are you going to tell me, with a straight face, that you could call 200 people and not find someone who wants to buy? Come on.

2. Cold calling is great practice. Some folks are hesitant to call because they don't know what to say. Some ask me at my seminars, "What do you say when you call someone?" To which I cleverly respond, "Hell, I don't know. It's your call and you've never met the person you're calling. How could you possibly know what to say?" 

"Canned pitches" don't work. You can learn your lines flawlessly, but the prospects keep forgetting theirs. The poor babies didn't even know you were going to call. Therein lies the beauty of cold calling; it make you light on your feet. You're going to have to respond and you'd better do it FAST. You don't have to be good, but you have to be fast, at least that's what my wife says. 

I learned a method that actually works "on the street," when toiling in the truck department of Courtesy Chevrolet in Seattle, back when the great beasts still roamed. I observed that cold calling wasn't exactly brain surgery. I didn't have to be really good, I just had to make a lot of them. When I called, I needed to determine if I really had a decision maker and, if so, were they interested in what I was selling. I used a directory that gave me the names of owners of five-year-old trucks. I would call a name and say, "Hi, is this Mr. Schwartz?" and he'd say "Yes." Hell of a deal, I'm half way home. I then asked, "Have you bought your new truck yet?" He would then often respond "I ain't buying no trucks, you fool." To which I would respond, "Goodbye."

You'll notice I didn't give him my name. That's because he didn't want to buy. My name is unimportant and giving it out only prevents me from dialing another number. They don't all say "no," however. Some might say, "Odd you called. My old truck just gave up the ghost." Or, "Has my wife been calling truck dealers again?" Or, "Who told you to call me?" That used to throw me. I didn't know how to respond. I thought, "Well I was just sitting here cold popping and I hit on you," to be a bit off-putting, though honest.

A friend of mine at the time, Cliff Brown of the Connecticut General Life Insurance Company, and I met weekly for breakfast at a brain-stormers group where we would exchange ideas and leads. We came up with a method called, "Creative Truth," wherein if the truth isn't readily available, you make some up. 

Each week, when we parted company, I'd say, "Cliff, this week I'd like you to speak to 50 people you've never spoken to before and see if they need some life insurance, or estate planning." And he'd say, "OK, and Hank I'd like you to speak with 50 people you don't know and see if they'd like a new car, or truck." And I'd agree and we'd shake hands on it. Then, when someone said, "Who told you to call me?" I'd say, "Cliff Brown." And it was TRUE, because we made it true.

Cold Calling will reduce or eliminate fear of rejection. Paradoxical Therapy tells us to seek out that which we most fear and we'll find out it wasn't nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be. The more you call, the quicker and better you'll be and the less you'll fear cold calling. After all, they can't get their hands on you.

You can't possibly lose on a cold call, as you didn't have anything going in. The call is completely under your control. If you talk yourself into a corner and can't think of a thing to say, hang up. That's right, hang up. If you continue to talk when you're in trouble and your brain has shut down, you're bound to say something really stupid. In addition, you're going to really suffer and it's going to be that much more difficult for you to pick up the phone the next time.

Don't worry about being rude. The only time people are offended by being hung up on is if they know they been hung up on. The key to them not knowing is you hang up while you're talking. That's right. They'll know you couldn't have hung up on yourself, so just hang up, right in the middle of. . .

As soon as you've hung up, you'll relax and think of fifty things you could have, should have, would have said and you can call back and say, "As I was saying before we were interrupted. . ." Or, if you don't want to call back, don't. Who cares? Maybe the next one will be nicer.

They central issue is make some calls and talk to some people. Some will. Some won't. So What? Remember that there are now almost TWO BILLION people in China that didn't even know you made a call.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

by Hank Trisler

I got an email flyer trumpeting the fact that Jeffrey Gitomer, a man I much respect and admire was coming to town for a series of “pump ‘em up” sales meetings. I dropped him an email and invited him to dinner. To my great delight, he accepted.

He was just as intelligent and perceptive as I had thought he would be. We had a spirited conversation about the speaking business, the many people we both knew, the economy and our respective families. It was one of those chats you’d like to have go on forever, as it was just that much fun.

Then an odd thing happened. At about half-past veal parmigiana; the conversation turned to cancer. I have no idea how it happened. I’m almost positive it was nothing I did, but I heard this voice droning on about cancer and I’m relatively sure it was mine. I heard myself tell him about my initial diagnosis, the implantation of plutonium seeds in my prostate, the subsequent re-infestation and how the metastasized cancer now occupied my spine, ribs, hips and some lymph nodes.

What was I thinking?

Was I hoping he’d heal me? Not bloody likely. Jeffrey’s a terrific speaker, but he’s no faith healer. Was I looking for sympathy? Probably a lot closer to the truth. It seemed to be working, too, as he now had a very somber expression.

Spurred by my apparent success with cancer, I went on to tell him about my hip replacement, resulting atrial fibrillation, and resulting congestive heart failure. I explained to him about the chief cause of problems being solutions. By this time his eyes had mostly glazed over and he was nodding slowly, apparently in agreement.

I delivered a lecture on diverticulitis and then, when I got to polymyalgia rheumatica, he commented that that "rheumatica" was the worst kind of "polymyalgia." I thought I sensed just hint of sarcasm.

What was I thinking?

Here’s the really sad thing, at least to me. I knew what I was doing. I could hear and understand myself. I could see the affect all this was having on my companion; I was draining all the enthusiasm and positivity out of him and was powerless to stop. It was like an out-of-body experience where I was looking at this blithering idiot going blah, blah, blah and I was unable to shut him up.

What can I learn from this?

I think we are all drawn to talk about that which is of most interest to us. If our companion happens to be interested in the same thing, terrific. If not, too bad, we’re going to talk about it anyhow. This is the ultimate selfishness and is bound to be corrosive to any relationship. Best we watch our listener and if he puts his face in his plate, he may not be interested. We should immediately seek the earliest opportunity to have a nice hot cup of shut the hell up. I knew that, but next time I’m going to do it.

NEVER tell people your troubles. My dear departed friend, Cavett Robert said, “Never tell your troubles to others. Eighty percent of them don’t care and the other twenty percent will actually be glad.” When you tell people negative things, you’re spreading poisoned soil in their gardens. This is not the most direct path to universal popularity.

Keep your fears to yourself, yet share your courage with others. I’ve had a good opportunity to reflect on my dinner with Jeffrey, and can guarantee you that if I’m ever fortunate enough to play that hand again; my companion will have a far better experience.

A FIGHT STORY

by Hank Trisler

I’m a lousy patient. The doctors say it; the nurses say it; so it must be true. If there’s anything I hate worse than being in the hospital, it’s trying to get out of the hospital. They lie to you about when you will be released. 

When I had a little visit a couple of months ago, they told me I’d be sprung when the doctor released me, about noon. They kept having unforeseen problems and bureaucratic foul ups until I found myself fuming on the edge of the bed at four o’clock. The nurse told me it would be another half hour, while she finished up the discharge documents. 

A small something snapped in my primitive brain. I told her that my doctor had released me and that I was ready to go right this minute.

She said I couldn’t leave, as I still had an IV stuck in my arm.

I said she wouldn’t believe how easily that one could be solved and yanked the IV out, thereby spraying blood on the wall until she could fumble up a band aid. I fled the hospital, trailing people shouting what I could and could not do, and waving papers.

Apparently this is not the way most patients leave the hospital, as many of the staff remembered me on my visit last week, even some people I had not yet met.

After a stay of a couple of days, it came time to depart and once again they told me noon. I determined to stay calm and decided what they really meant was four o’clock and mentally prepared myself accordingly.

At four o’clock I was fully dressed, IV still in my arm, but otherwise ready to launch. My excellent nurse, Vince, had been scurrying around preparatory to my departure and told me all was ready as soon as the doctor approved the release.

I was fully prepared to kill Vince when he appeared with a fight story.“You won’t believe what I’ve just gone through for you,” Vince gasped. “Your doctor is in surgery in the basement and I had to go down three floors to get him to sign your release. I took the stairs both ways to save time.” I had this vision of poor, harried Vince scrambling up a stone staircase pursued by fire-breathing reptiles.

“When I got to the operating room, they wouldn’t let me in, as it was a sterile field,” Vince went on, “so I sent him a fax.”

“You can do that?” I asked, totally enthralled. 

“Yeah, they have fax machines on both sides of the OR door, just for situations like this. Well, anyway, he had a nurse fax back that he would be out in ten minutes and would sign the release then. Hank, I have to tell you that was the longest ten minutes of my life, as I know how important it is for you to get out of here as soon as humanly possible. I’ll get all of this paperwork processed and have you out of here in 30 minutes. I’m just so glad you waited for me.” 

What’s wrong with this picture? He’s keeping me another half hour than the last time when I threw a temper fit, but now I’m all smiles. What’s the difference?

Vince had a good FIGHT STORY. Everybody loves a story and a good story, well-told will be one of your greatest assets in selling.

Vince didn’t tell me about rules. He didn’t tell me what I had to do, he simply told me what he had done for me, and he told it in an interesting manner. I could visualize him dashing down the concrete stairs with my discharge papers clutched in his sweating fist. I could see the look on the surgeon’s face as Vince interrupted his surgery with a fax so he could get my discharge approved. 

Vince had become my hero and I couldn’t be mad at my hero. I meekly submitted to his piles of paperwork and stumbled out at a quarter to five.

If you’re selling cars, tell the customer how terrified you are of your sales manager and how hard you’re going to work to get them the best possible deal. No matter how much you’re abused, you will continue to fight for them. Tell your sales manager how tough this customer is and how hard you’ve fought to keep profit in the deal. Well, of course you sell the house. The best salescritters seem to spend nearly as much time and effort selling management as they do the customers.

Selling real estate? Have a good fight story to tell buyers and another to tell sellers. I’m not suggesting that you prevaricate, but rather that you have templates to help you create real fight stories for every occasion.

Spend some time and thought on your fight stories and you’ll not only sell more, but have happier customers in the bargain. 

I’d appreciate it if you’d share your best fight story here.

A LEADING QUESTION

By Hank Trisler

 

Asking hard questions will make you money by making you more sales.  

Open questions often start with "who," "what," "when," "where," "why" or "how" and usually get more informative responses than closed questions, which can often be answered "yes," or "no."

In my effort to avoid stifling creative thought by providing too much in the way of specific questions, I may have withheld some valuable information. This was driven home to me by reading an article by a fellow named Tom Goetschius, whose name I won’t even attempt to pronounce. He gave some specifics, which I thought terrific. He calls them "High Gain" questions, which cause the customer to think on a higher level in order to answer them. We’ve all used some of these, but I think we need to work on incorporating more hard questions into our dealings with people. The salesperson with the greatest number of good questions has a tremendous competitive advantage.

Let’s look at some and see what they might do for us. Why not see how many sub-questions you can create?

Questions for early on.

• Where in the sales cycle are you?

Have they just started to look? What have they seen? How did they feel about it?

• Would you please describe the circumstances that lead to you coming in here today?
• What do you hope will happen here today?
• What do you think will happen here today?

I spoke with a fine gentleman just last week. When I asked him what he hoped would happen, he said that he hoped I’d be able to help him help his people sell better. Does that tell me a bit about his positive frame of mind?

When asked what he thought was going to happen, he said that he thought we were going to make a deal. We already had.

• Out of all the (fill in the blank) you could have gone to, why did you choose us today?

I sold Chevrolets in the sixties with a guy named Ernie Mann. He asked this of every customer and was the top salesman in our store. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll hear.

• If you could communicate with me the most important rule about dealing with you, in one word, what would that word be?
• What would surprise you the most about what might happen here today?
• What is the most serious mistake salespeople have made in dealing with you?
• What’s the one thing you really hope does NOT happen here today?
• What part of your present situation do you hope I can improve today?

As we progress.

People treat us the way we have trained them to treat us. The more we listen to our customers, the more they will talk to us and the better we can help them. We can also progress from easy questions to harder questions. Remember, long questions tend to get us longer answers.

• What would you list as your top three priorities?
• What’s the one thing you want to accomplish before your race is run?
• How have your priorities changed in the past five years?
• How do you think they might change in the next five?
• What is the one experience you really hope your family has a chance to share together?
• What significance has (fill in the blank) had in your life up to now?
• What is the one thing you would like to do that you’re not doing now?
• If you could change just one thing about your (sales force, home, car, process) what would that be?

Out of the need-finding phase and into the
presentation of benefits. Don’t tell--ask and listen.

• How do you think this might improve your_______?
• How would you see yourself using this feature?
• What’s the one thing you like best about this?
• I can’t quite read you on this point. How does it appeal to you?
• I sense that you’re pleased with this feature. How do you think it will benefit you?
• Tell me how you really feel about this.
• When you looked this over, what did you notice first? Why was that?
• I sense that you’re unsure about this. Why is that?
• What do you specifically like the most?
• How many possible ways can you think of to use this?
• When you consider the next few years, what’s the most important part of this program?

In search of commitment. The questions get harder, and harder to ask.

• How would your life change if you decided to do this today?
• What would be the worst-case scenario if you decided to do this today?
• What do you fear the most about going ahead with this today?
• What part of the program makes you feel most uncomfortable?
• What is the one major way in which this program differs from what you are presently doing?
• How will you know when you have found the right solution for your _______?
• If you thought that this _____ was really the best for you, what is the major obstacle standing in the way of you owning it?
• What are you spending your money on that has a higher priority than______?

If you send out 100 letters soliciting business and no one replies, that’s not too bad.

If you make 100 telephone calls and no one wants to talk to you, that’s worse. The rejection factor is mounting.

If you make 100 face-to-face presentations and no one buys, the rejection is pretty tough to deal with and if you go home and your spouse has moved, it’s nearly unbearable.

The higher the potential for rejection gets, the closer we are to a payoff. When you’re finding it tough to ask a question, it’s a fair bet the customer is finding it tough to answer it. 

Press on, keep asking questions and your sales will continue to improve.

PAVAROTTI AND THE YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS

By Guest Blogger, Jim Craven

Just as the large white limousine pulled up in front of 22 Wesley Terrace, in West Bradford,   Fred Wilson, a 65 year old retired weaver opened the front door of his little two up and two down terrace house and stepped onto the pavement.    He watched as the driver opened the rear door of the car and a somewhat portly gentleman eased himself out.  

The gentleman concerned was dressed in white tie and tails.   But then he should have been, as he had left St. George’s Hall immediately after his concert,  to keep an appointment that had been arranged some months ago.   A great gourmand was he and having been made aware that there was a regional delicacy that he had hitherto not tried, he instructed his agents to find him a place where he could taste the best Yorkshire Puddings ever made.

After much research by his aides it was universally agreed that Minnie Wilson, wife of the aforementioned Fred made the best Yorkshire puddings ever tasted and the appropriate arrangements had been made for the gentleman to partake of a late dinner at the home of Minnie and Fred.

Pavarotti walked towards Fred and smiled as he said ‘You must be Signor Wilson.  I am very pleased to meet you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to your home’.  ‘Nice to meet you Mr. Pavarotti’ said Fred.   “Come inside and meet the Missus’.

Fred led the way through the tiny front room into an equally tiny kitchen.   ‘Minnie’ he said.  ‘Here’s that Mr. Pavarotti fella that sings’.   Minnie, somewhat diminutive in height and rather rotund  turned round and smiled at her guest.   She put out her hand and Pavarotti took it in his and kissed it gently.   ‘Grazzi Signora, how nice to meet you thank you for inviting me into your home’.   He handed her an elegant little bag which contained two bottles of excellent wine.   One white and the other red, both from his native Italy.   ‘Perhaps you would accept this little gift to accompany our meal tonight.

Fred looked at the wine and turning to Pavarotti said ‘nay lad it’s very kind of thee, there’s nowt like a glass of good wine, but tha can only drink a drop of Tetley’s bitter with roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.  Pavarotti inclined his head ‘I bow to your superior knowledge, but perhaps you will keep the wine for another occasion’.

Pavarotti and Fred sat down at the little table in the kitchen and Fred poured two large glasses of Tetley’s bitter.   Pavarotti took a sip and tried hard not to grimace.  It was not to his liking.  Fortunately for him, at that very moment Minnie placed a  plate in front of him on which rested a very large Yorkshire pudding.  It was golden brown, stood two inches high on the plate and was covered in a light but delightfully aromatic gravy.  Pavarotti looked up at her and said ‘Signora, what is this?   ‘Yorkshire pudding she replied’ with a look of disbelief on her face ‘what does tha think it is?’

‘Signora, I thought that in England, a pudding was something which followed the main course in a meal’.   ‘Not in this county lad” she said.  ‘Tha’s in Yorkshire now and tha eats thi Yorkshire pudding first’.

Pavarotti took a mouthful of his Yorkshire pudding and then another one.   He smiled at his hosts who were watching somewhat anxiously and said ‘bella’ and proceeded to eat the remainder with great relish.   Minnie gave him another pudding which was dispatched with the same appreciation as the first one.   He then took a furtive sip of his pint of Tetley’s bitter, which tasted somewhat better than it did on his first encounter.

Minnie removed the plates and then placed fresh ones on the table, all heaped with thick slices of roast beef, which was crisp on the outside and slightly underdone in the middle.  There were some fluffy  roast potatoes, carrots and brussel sprouts.   A jug of gravy was set in the middle of the table.  Fred handed Pavarotti a jar of horseradish sauce.  Pavarotti took a sniff at it and smiled as he said ‘I don’t care what this tastes like, but it is surely a remedy for blocked sinuses’.   He nevertheless placed a heap on the side of his plate, having first watched Fred do the same.   He demolished his food rather quickly and took frequent sips from his glass of beer.   He took little persuading to accept a further plate full of food and his glass of  beer  which now tasted like the nectar of the gods was almost empty.

Minnie finally produced a home made apple pie which was served with lashings of ice cream.  Her guest patted his stomach and said ‘I wonder if I have room for this’ and of course he had.

The table was cleared.  Pavarotti stood up and removed his napkin from inside his collar.  He placed his hands on Minnie’s shoulders and kissed her on both cheeks.  ‘Signora’ he said ‘that was the nicest meal I have eaten for a long time.

They moved into the front parlour after the dishes had been washed.   Pavarotti had volunteered to help, but he was not permitted to do so.   ‘Women’s work’ said Fred.  

Fred poured Pavarotti a glass of an inexpensive and rather revolting port.  ‘So tha’s a singer’ he said as he handed a glass to him.   ‘How about singing for thi supper then?   Pavarotti smiled and said ‘of course Signor” I would be delighted.

‘How about ‘The sun has got his hat on’ then said Fred.  ‘Sorry’ said his guest, ‘I am not familiar with that’.   ‘Well, does tha know ‘Brother Bertie Went Away’ or ‘If you were the only girl in the world?’

‘Sorry Signor’ said Pavarotti, ‘neither of those are in my repertoire.  I could however sing you the aria ‘Una Furtiva Lagrima’.   Fred thought for a moment and then said ‘Naw, If you are going to sing something from L’Elisir D’amore,  I would rather hear ‘Quanto e bella, quanto e cara’.   Pavarotti gave him a piercing look and said ‘Signor, you have been making the micky of me?’.    ‘Just a little bit’ he replied.   My wife and I may live in humble surroundings, but we do appreciate good singing and we love your voice.

Pavarotti stood in front of the fireplace, filled his lungs with air and proceeded to sing Fred’s favourite aria.  He followed on with pieces from Verdi, Rossini, Handel and Mozart and concluded with the beautiful Donaudy song ‘Vaghissima Sembianza’.   When he had finished, he bowed to his hosts who applauded him, as did many of their neighbours who, having heard the source of the delightful singing, crowded round the front door and window of 22 Wesley Terrace, West Bradford.

Pavarotti said ‘I must leave, I am due in New York tomorrow.   Thank you for your company, thank you for your hospitality and thank you for the Yorkshire puddings.  Perhaps you will come to New York as my guests next month when I am performing at the Metropolitan Opera.   I will arrange for your tickets to be sent to you in the next few days.

Hank Note: Jim Craven is a Yorkshireman transplanted to New Zealand, where I met him. I thought you'd enjoy this charming little tale of his.